Bathing Suit Season For Mortals

Yes, It's that time again. Time to embark on a crazy diet that consists of you cutting carbs, eliminating sweets and swearing-off any saturated fats from May through August. Why do we put our self through such hell? Why do we begin this crazy diet on May 1st and then end up binging on potato chips, ice cream and raw butter on May 3rd? Two words three syllables my friend, "bathing suits."

Sooner or later it will be time to slip on your favorite (or detested) two-piece in front of 500 of your closest buddies at your local beach. I know what you're thinking, "Yikes!" "I'm not ready!" That is why I've decided to equip you with a full-proof bathing suit handbook for this summer. I'm not going to focus on all body types, because let's face it the size 0 girl stuffed full of silicon laying two towels away could wear a deflated inner tube and still look hot. Instead, I'm going to give you, the real woman, some tips that will make you feel satisfied with your body on the beach, even if you don't have rock hard abs, long legs or a gigantic chest.

Problem # 1 - I look great laying down with my arms stretched above my head, but i need to get up from my towel at some point.

Yes, unfortunately you may have to use the bathroom a time or two during your beach visit. My advice would be to invest in a super cute, light-weight cover up. Make sure the cover up (i.e. cute little dress)is one size bigger than you would usually buy. This way, the fabric doesn't cut into you and create an unflattering bulge. However, for those few seconds it takes to get up and actually put on the cover up, you're on your own. I usually just suck in and pray for it to be over.

Problem # 2 - My butt resembles Kim Kardashian's minus the media hype.

Ya know, butts are the devil. They may look great in a pair of stretch jeans, but throw those puppies in a bathing suit and it's all over. Have no fear, i have a few tricks up my sleeve. Rule number one, do not buy bathing suit bottoms that are too small. You'll end up looking like fifty pounds of crap shoved into a ten pound bag. And NO tie strings, it just doesn't look right. I suggest buying full coverage bathing suit bottoms. They almost completely cover the bottom and are still low cut in the front. Another god send is Jergens Natural Glow Firming lotion. Apply this for a couple weeks and it will give you a nice natural tan on your bum. Good for hiding all those unflattering lumps and bumps.

Problem # 3 - My legs keep moving 30 seconds after i stop walking.

Oh jiggly legs, why do you torment us? So we haven't taken a long walk or ran a mile in a couple of years, but who's counting? We need you to be firm or at least resemble firmness!! Well, since we can't count on our legs to step it up, I usually rely on my footwear. Flip-flops with some height always help to elongate and slim the legs. I also will wear sling-back wedges to the beach, they make your legs look fabulous!

Problem # 4 - After a day at the beach, i look like I've been camping in the Sahara for the last week.

I know what you mean! Greasy face, sand up your nose, exfoliating your cheeks, stuck in your teeth, it's gross. If you're jetting to a party straight from the beach you need to pack the following essentials:

- Oil blotting papers (buy the Meijer brand, they work better and they are cheap!)
- Deodorant (for obvious reasons)
-Wash cloth (wet the cloth in the bathroom and give yourself a semi-bath to get the sand off you)
- Aloe & lotion (these should be scent-free and light, you won't want a heavy cream)
- Your favorite body spray (i suggest something fruity)
- Extra sun dress (something you can shove in your beach bag)
- Fresh pair of undies/bra (you don't want to be wet at your fabulous party!)
- Hair band and bobby pins (throw your hair into a messy bun or pin it up into a cute party-do!)

Problem # 5 - I really don't like my body and i just want to cover up darn it! Are one-piece bathing suits really that bad?!

NO! Your in luck, a sleek black one-piece will never go out of style. Remember the post-suri pictures of Katie Holmes in a black belted one-piece on the beaches in France? She looked hot. Thrown on some heels and a pair of big sunglasses, you'll be eternally chic.

Any other problems need fixing? Post a comment and I'll do my best!

You Try To Do Something Nice....

I admit, it was a little before quiting' time on Friday and i shamelessly found myself perusing the Top Five Fashion PR Links on PRcouture.com - I'm only human people.

Anyway, I stumbled across a very interesting story about one of our favorite French designers who is apparently suing everyone and their mother for something completely ridiculous. I don't want to call anyone out, but his name starts with "Louis" and ends with "Vuitton."

Read below and prepare to be annoyed:
(compliments of Fashion, Evolved.)

Last year a graphic artist named Nadia Plesner decided she wanted to create something that would increase awareness about the crisis in Darfur. She was not only dismayed by the genocide of HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of men, women and children, but at the complete lack of interest shown by the west, which seems unable to tear itself away from the Britney Chronicles long enough to see what's really going on in the world.

So, she created a T-shirt that depicted a suffering, starving, naked child carrying a mock-designer handbag and a small snooty dog. 100% of the proceeds would go to the charity Divest for Darfur. Sounds like a good plan, right?

Well apparently, the folks a Louis Vuitton are not happy that she chose to make her handbag resemble one of their pieces. The bag in the picture looks like Vuitton's MultiColor design (a favorite pattern among teenage girls), and although it does not contain the LV logo anywhere on the picture, Plesner has been ordered to stop selling the t-shirts and is being sued by the luxury designer which is demanding 5000 Euros PER DAY (That's almost $10,000 USD) as damages for the sale of the t-shirt.

Whether or not you agree that Plesner is guilty of copyright infringement (a decision that is not as simple as you might think), the whole debate should serve as a reminder of two things:

1. Plesner is absolutely right about western consumers being totally selfish. One of those handbags could easily feed a family in Darfur for months. We are obsessed with crap and with the vapid and useless people that prance around this country flaunting it with a "Let them eat cake" mentality. The French had the good sense to behead Marie Antoinette for that bullshit. The least we can do is pay attention to the suffering of these people. Don't get me wrong--I like fashion. I have a damn blog about it. But we need to get our priorities straight. You don't have to give up style to give a damn about your fellow humans that would rather have a clean glass of water than all the LV bags they can carry. Think about it.

and, 2. Large corporations are not kind and caring souls. They are about making money. LV is no exception. We can't sit back and expect nameless and faceless entities that were created SOLELY to make a profit to care about the world. It's up to us, the individual consumers. That's why you and I and everyone else needs to THINK about what we're buying and which companies we're supporting.

The new world of fashion is not about being a victim and letting other people tell you what you should wear and buy. YOU make the choice, and your choice should be based not only on the design and quality of the product, but on the willingness of the designer and manufacturer to contribute to a better world.

Posh for Marc Jacobs

Okay, i think by now we've all seen the new 2008 spring/summer advertising spread for Marc Jacobs. The ads, in my opinion are less than stellar. Don't get me wrong, i love Marc Jacobs, but this time M.J. might have gone too far.

Let me paint the disturbing picture for you:

Advertisement 1 - Victoria Beckham with her legs masquerading out of a crinkled Marc Jacobs bag. You'll notice she is wearing a pair of particularly interesting high heels. If you've paid attention to any of the fashion magazines this season the heels should be easily recognizable. The Marc Jacobs PR camp has apparently been working overtime to plaster the patent leather monsters on every accessory report this side of the U.S.

Advertisement 2 - Victoria Beckham is yet again peeking out of a Marc Jacobs bag. This time Victoria is right side up with her famous sunglasses perched on her tiny face. She is adorning something that looks like a plant on the top of her head and I'm not sure if a makeup specialist was on site for the shoot, but the bronzer is probably a couple hundred shades to dark. From here it looks as though she might pass out at any second (probably from lack of food).

Advertisement 3 - Beckham sports a Marc Jacobs tube dress along with a rose colored bra. She displays her signature "angry face" while clutching the new "Mika" bag. The best part of this ad is the black fringe lying a top her head like a bad tupe.

So what does Victoria have to say for herself? According to WWD Posh is very satisfied with the ad campaign stating that she is "thrilled" to be working with Marc and that she "completely trusts his vision." Translation: Is he out of his bloody mind?! I look like a crazy person!

And the madness isn't over yet. Word on the street is that Beckham has posed naked for a charity campaign t-shirt designed by Jacobs. What won't she do for this guy? Stay tuned folks.

Adventures in San Diego

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I'm going going back back to Cali Cali - no really, I am.

The fierce rumors (and paparazzi photos) are true, i am in San Diego,
California enjoying a week long vacation with my family. Aside from the
fabulous
beach house and delicious Mexican food, I've discovered that San Diego
has their fair share of absolutely amazing vintage/ready-to-wear
boutiques.

For example, today i was minding my own business looking for an ice cream
shop so i could completely destroy my latest diet and instead of
finding chocolate chip cookie dough, i found The Bikini Shoppe boutique
(totally opposite end of the spectrum, but that's another story). The
shop was no bigger than my college dorm room, but was stocked full of
unique bathing suit choices! I was in heaven, until i had to actually
try the bathing suit on.

After about 15 suits and a painfully honest sales person (who was the stereotypical "cali" girl!) i found a great VIX bathing suit. I know what you're thinking, what is "VIX?" Well I'll tell you! Probably the sweetest line of bathing suits I've ever come across. Granted, the bathing suit was significantly out of my price range - $150 but i compromised. Crazy Cali sales girl hooked me up. I bought the to-die-for VIX
bathing suit top and bought a pair of cheap $20 white bottoms. The
whole bathing suit ended up being only abou $100 - Worth it? I THINK SO.



Until next time...

PR Couture Contributor - That's Me!

So I was perusing my favorite PR Web site the other day and i came across a link that read "PR Consultant Lynsey Roumell's top five Oscar picks." Long story short - I almost died. Me? a PR Couture contributor? On an international PR Web site?

I could definitely get used to this. Not to mention that the link transfers directly to mlive.com! Great promotion for the Grand Rapids Press and my favorite fashion reporter - Tricia Woolfenden.

Click Here to visit "The New Black" blog where my Top 5 and Worst 5 Oscar picks were originally posted back in late February.

And if that doesn't work - copy and paste this http://blog.mlive.com/newblack/2008/02/final_take_the_good_and_bad_of.html into your browser!

Spring Fashion Part Two: Shoes & Accessories

Spring Fashion Report - Shoe & Accessory must-haves:

Flats
-That's right, flats are holding steady this season as the go-to comfort shoe for spring. To set yourself apart from the rest purchase a pair of flats that are shockingly pink or bright yellow.

Helpful Hint:
- To spice up your flats you need to add a little bit of "bling." Visit your local craft store and buy faux broaches and jewels. Use a hot glue gun to adhere the jewels to your flats!
Note: Only use one or two jeweled accents per shoe - do not go overboard!

Platform Slingback Sandals
- These are a definite must-have for spring. Platforms are making a huge statement, it seems like every sandal this season has been reconstructed to boast a platform heel. The reason i reccommend a slingback is because this shoe style is classic and very spring/summer chic.

Helpful Hint:
-Buy a pair of platform slingbacks in a neutral color. I just purchased an amazing pair of chestnut leather slingbacks! I can wear them with anything. More bang for your buck!

Riding Boots
-Wear high-heeled riding boots this spring! Don't be afraid to pair the boots with a shirt dress, cocktail shorts or even a fun spring mini-skirt.

Helpful Hint:
-Due to the fact that riding boots are technically a winter trend, you can find a great pair of boots for an amazing price. I just bought a pair that were marked down from $150 to $30!

Platform Stilettos
-Buy these in every color if you've got the money. If you're not packin' an extra $300 dollars for stilettos this season, be sure to buy a black or cream patent leather pair.

Helpful Hint:
-Again, these shoes will work well with any spring fashion style. Wear them with shorts, skirts, skinny jeans, trouser pants, shirt dresses, etc. Be fearless and tromp down the sidewalk like a celeb - you've earned it.

ACCESSORIES

Pashminas
-These are great addition to any outfit. Pashminas are cheap so buy one of these in every color. Simply drape the fabric around your neck or wrap the pashmina once around. Wear pashminas with big over-sized sunglasses - you'll look like Audrey Hepburn circa Breakfast At Tiffany's.

Helpful Hint:
- Stop in at your local fabric store and purchase as many pashminas as you need this season. You'll pay half the price and probably find some great patterned fabric that the retail stores won't be carrying! Be sure to make friends with one of the store clerks so you can figure out which fabric will hold up the best.

Day Clutch
-Who said you can only wear a clutch at night? Buy a day clutch in a crazy color or pattern!

Helpful Hint:
-Don't spend a ton of money on a day clutch this season. This could be a trend that fades quickly. Hit up Forever 21, Target or Charlotte Russe. You can still purchase a fab clutch for half the price.

Obnoxiously Huge Bags
-Yup, they're still in style! Which means that you need to trade in your old over-sized bag for a new one. Throw that boring faded bag in the corner and try something different. Python bags are very "in" this season along with other animal prints. A plum purple patent leather bag is also high on the list.

Jewelry
-You be the judge this season. Vintage, new, expensive, cheap, anything goes.

Helpful Hint:
-Thick bangle bracelets - I suggest wood and gold.
-Simple earrings. If you're rocking too much jewelry you might resemble Mr. T and that my friends, is not chic.
- If you're sporting a low neckline, add a thick beaded necklace to the outfit.

That's it for spring...if i've missed anything let me know!

Style Junkie Spring Fashion Report

Spring Must-Haves - Clothing Necessities

Trench coats
-If it's the only thing you do, buy a trench coat this spring. This is a piece of outwear that is timeless, we're talking eternally chic. I'm confident that my Grandma owns a trench, my mom wore one in the 80's and now I slip one on every spring.

Helpful Hints:
- Buy a trench in black and don't pay over $100 for it. Black always looks expensive. Who doesn't love looking chic for less?!

- Do not pay attention to the fashion magazines that are claiming you should wear your trench as a dress this season. Who wants to wear a belted coat around the office all day? Your co-workers will think you're a crazy streaker.

Florals
- Wearing a floral pattern can be great or it can be disastrous. For us Midwestern girls i would suggest wearing a full floral skirt with a solid color tank or knit top. Top off the outfit with a pair of wooden platform sandals and you'll be smokin.'

Helpful Hint:
-Please stay away from floral Capris. I once had to steer my mom away from a pair of cherry patterned spring Capris and i don't think I've ever been the same. Stick with the skirts and you'll thank me - promise.

Shirt Dresses
-So comfy and perfect for those scorcher summer days. Buy these dresses in lightweight fabric and accessorize with chunky earrings and bracelets. Depending on the neckline, wrapping a ton of glitz around your neck might be a bit too much.

Helpful Hint:
- You don't have to purchase a billion shirt dresses this season. Buy a couple of colors in the style you like and purchase two or three different belts that sit right on your waist. Mixing and matching the dresses and belts will make everyone think you've bought six or seven different outfits.

Trouser Pants
-These pants look good on any shape and size. I just bought a great pair of Level 99 trouser pants at Gina's in Grand Rapids and i would wear them everyday if i could. My favorite trouser fabric right now is denim but I've came across some great houndstooth and silk twill pants lately.

Helpful Hint:
-Do not wear a loose fitting top with trouser pants, you'll look ten pounds heavier. I suggest a button down oxford (tucked in) and mile-high stilettos. Less is more with trouser pants because of the dramatic width.

Cocktail Shorts:
-These shorts are great because you can dress them up or down. Wear during the day with a t-shirt, sunglasses and a pair of flip-flops. Dress up these shorts at night with a pair of stilettos and a sexy one-shoulder top.

Helpful Hint:
-If you do buy a pair of cocktail shorts be sure to buy the correct length for your body type. The last thing i want to see when I'm walking down Monroe Center is a pair of butt cheeks hanging out of cocktail shorts. Classy is key ladies, remember that.

Safari Wear:
-I know what you're thinking, and no we will not look like crazy fools hunting wild game. Sporting safari wear this spring means wearing cute shrunken Khaki jackets. I'd also suggest wearing khaki dresses with wooden buttons and a belt to pull the whole look together.

Helpful Hints:
- Pair chunky gold accessories with khaki - it will look amazing.

-If you're wearing a shrunken khaki jacket thrown on a pair of little white shorts and platform sandals - you'll look killer.

Stay tuned tomorrow for my shoe and accessory report!